My New Philosophy

In 1972 Boyd K. Packer said the following: “Someday you will hold a little boy or a little girl in your arms and know that two of you have acted in partnership with our Heavenly Father in the creation of life. Because the youngster belongs to you, you may then come to love someone more than you love yourself. This experience can come, insofar as I know, only through having children of your own or perhaps through fostering children born of another and yet drawn close into family covenants. … Through this loving one more than you love yourself, you become truly Christian. Then you know, as few others know, what the word Father means when it is spoken of in the scriptures. You may then feel something of the love and concern that he has for us. It should have great meaning that of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that could be given him, God himself, he who is the highest of all, chose to be addressed simply as Father.”
While Elder Packer was saying this concerning the beauties of a traditional marriage, I believe that the principle that the only way to love someone more than yourself is through the raising of a child, and that the act of loving someone more than yourself is when you become truly Christian. I believe that loving someone more than ourselves is the true embodiment of the second great commandment, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” and is one of the only ways to follow the example of Christ’s selfless love towards all men.
The desire to raise a child that I love more than anything, more than myself, is what motivates me to live righteously, yet in order to provide a loving home for a child I must go against the desires of the Church. I do not believe that I myself could provide a loving home for any child. I do not believe that were I to pursue a traditional marriage, that it would be strong, and filled with enough love to raise a child in. The only possibility for a home loving enough for me to raise a child in is in one that I love my companion almost as much as I love our children, and it just happens to be that I see my companion as being my husband.
The Church has said, “Like other violations of the law of chastity, homosexual activity is a serious sin. It is contrary to the purposes of human sexuality (see Romans 1:24–32) It distorts loving relationships and prevents people from receiving the blessings that can be found in family life and the saving ordinances of the gospel.” I believe that my homosexuality will not distort any loving relationships that I have, the only way it will do that is if I try to get married to a woman. And while it may prevent me from receiving the blessings that can be found in family life and the ordinances of the gospel, if I remain celibate, those blessings are withheld, as are several of the ordinances of the gospel.
I can understand how homosexuality, in current practice and understanding today, can be viewed as contrary to the purposes of human sexuality. But If we were to legalize civil same-sex marriages, that is, rendering unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and allowing for all legal, civil rights that are bestowed to opposite-sex marriages, be granted to same-sex marriages, that there would emerge a new class of people. These people would be homosexuals who seek after a family more than sex, a class of people who seek to strengthen the bond of marriage rather than make a mockery of it like Brittany’s 55-hour “just for fun” wedding. These would be people just like me who want to settle down with the person they love, raise children to be great and righteous individuals.
I plan on getting married to the man of my dreams one day, raising children to live righteously with him, and growing old with him. Eventually we will die, and we will have succeeded in drawing closer to the Lord than had we remained single and a lone and because our marriage will have been a marriage of this temporal world, it will not be binding in Heaven (see Mark 12:25, D&C 132:15-16). The Church publication, God Loveth His Children states that, “However, the perfect plan of our Father in Heaven makes provision for individuals who seek to keep His commandments but who, through no fault of their own, do not have an eternal marriage in mortal life. As we follow Heavenly Father’s plan, our bodies, feelings, and desires will be perfected in the next life so that every one of God’s children may find joy in a family consisting of a husband, a wife, and children.” (Emphasis added) We will through the promise given by the Lord be able to gain an eternal companion with whom we can create spirit children. I will be able to draw from that love that I learned here in this earth life in the raising of my spirit children.
Because Homosexuality is a byproduct of this fallen world, and since it did not exist in the pre-earth life, it will not exist in the afterlife, but my experiences and knowledge that I gain here on this life will exist in the next life. So I choose to have the focus of those experiences be towards knowing and loving my God, and towards loving others more than I love myself. For Christ was the most selfless of all. That, I believe, is His greatest characteristic, His selfless love of all. If I can gain but a small part of that, Is that not a life well spent in following the Lord, even if I would be living in sin to do it?
After all, we are all striving for perfection, we each have our own sins that preclude us from immediate transfiguration, perhaps homosexual behavior will be mine and over time, I can repent from my sins, but to me, a life spent focused towards that perfection and focused inwards rather than towards others can not be repented of.