This weekend has been an eventful one. Friday night was an emotional day for one of my friends who had to deal with parents and family who did not understand. I tried to lend comfort as best I could but somehow feel like it was lacking.
Saturday night I shared my story of how I nearly killed myself over the internal battle over religion or self and how I have gotten to where I am now. At the End I wanted to bear my testimony about the truth that I feel but stopped short and stuck to my desire for others to feel the peace that I feel in my life. The entire experience was great and i felt so glad that I did it even though my body was in fear and rejection mode the whole time.
Then I had Scott and Sarah’s Party which was great! I never felt so welcomed by so many people who didn’t even know me. I have always had a hard time in social situations, but this time I had none of that. I mixed and mingled throughout the crowd and it was wonderful. I am so Glad that I spent the time there.
Sunday, Fast and testimony meeting. So I was composing the previous post on following the Spirit as Sacrament meeting started and was moving along following the Spirit in gaining inspiration on what to write and then Testimony meeting started. It started off with a woman who used to be a member of the ward who came up and spoke about how grateful she was that when she was here she could walk to church and not be surrounded by the ugliness that is in her city of San Francisco, and how much pain she feels after living in California these past 6 months with Prop 8 and all of the ugliness that has surrounded her. She then spoke about how she is so grateful that she has the ability to just simply follow the Prophet. During this whole thing I was getting upset by what she was saying and that last comment made me go, Uh? Don’t we have the Spirit for a reason? So in silent protest I walked out behind her and left the Chapel. On my way out I caught the eyes of one young man who I am sure is a MoHo in hiding and the Sadness that was exuding from his face tore at my heartstrings. So I went outside the Chapel and finished my thoughts that became a blog post. and then pressed upon by the Spirit and the look in that kids eyes, I went back in and walked up to the Front. I stood on the stand and started to bear my testimony of the Spirit and how grateful I feel to be able to follow the Spirit of truth and knowledge that testifys to me the Love God has for us, and the atonemnet. I was really tempted to take that time to share my story with the audience as a blessing of feeling the spirit. but Again I refrained.
As I sat back down I thought to myself about the juxtapostion of wanting to bear my testimony in the secular setting and share my story in the spritual and I am bittersweet about not taking the advantage to do so.