The Past Revisited

So while cleaning out my computer yet again I found my English final, a self observation. The first one I wrote was apparently not true enough and so I wrote this one some of it exaggerated, some of it true. The first one I wrote was actually copied from online because I was afraid to write about myself for what it would reveal. HA I should have just done the assignment in the first place because it was this assignment that got the administration to remove me from school the last week before graduation. I find it fitting that I saw this tonight, just less than 36 hours away from my undergraduate graduation. So without further ado, the observation that just about got me expelled from High School.


High School is filled with fake people. People wearing masks, trying to “fit in,” to be someone they are not. I am no exception to this, however my mask is one of many facades that I wear to hide and conceal my past life from others and me. I have dodged the rules and cut corners in order to escape the primeval life I live. Each day goes by, and I have to live with all my past mistakes, and the domino effect it has had on my family. Because of me my parents got divorced, because of me my mom, my step dad and I were not able to attend my sisters wedding, because of me my mother and my sister are no longer speaking to each other. Through conscious or sub conscious activity, I have ruined my family, and in order not to break from the pressure, I build up walls and put on a happy face for the world to see so that I can survive knowing all the suffering in my family was caused by me. I know and realize that everyone has their own problems or difficulties in life that they deal with, but when people start backstabbing and hurting others it just adds to the emotional baggage that someone is carrying. I am sick and tired of this crappy experience and am ready to explode from all of the CRAP that has been thrown at me this year. And normally when I explode, heads roll. When I have exploded in the past, I have kicked my principal in places where the sun doesn’t shine. I have thrown a chair at my band teacher, I have sent a kid to the hospital with a broken nose and the need for 7 stitches, I have nearly run over my step dad with a Ford Expedition, I have beaten a kid with a two inch thick walking staff across the chest, back, shins, and neck, I have escaped from the grips of an Army Lt. Colonel and because of that had I sprinted over three miles of mountainous forest and swam over three quarters of a mile across a lake. I fear that I will never be able to escape these atrocities, but just because they happened, doesn’t mean that they have to continue. Although at the rate that kids keep giving me crap at school I fear it might happen soon. My life has been full of Crap that I have dealt with, and the extra garbage that is shoved on me daily at school by hypocritical egotistical morons is bound to set me into a frenzy. Each day I try to flick away the daily grime and accept it as a fact of life. That is why I hide behind a facade.