Today is Easter Sunday. The end of Lent and the beginning of the glorious days in remembrance of Christ’s Atonement. For Lent I did my best to give up fear. Fear of my unworthiness, fear of rejection, fear of relationships, fear of discussing the taboo. Over the past 46 days I have worked constantly to fight back the fear that is within me and on many fronts I have succeeded and on some I still have a ways to go.
I still fear that I will fall short in my application to programs, but I conquered the paralyzing fear of not even applying. I still fear rejection should I get into a relationship but I have defeated the fear which has prevented me from trying. I still fear that I might be completely wrong in my life choices, but I have moved passed the debilitating nature of that fear.
I have followed the counsel given in D&C 67:10 “inasmuch as you strip yourselves from jealousies and fears, and humble yourselves before me, for ye are not sufficiently humble, the veil shall be rent and you shall see me and know that I am—not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual.” And because of this I have grown closer to God through my rejection and abandonment of fear.
Each morning I read the litany against fear and used it as a constant reminder to not fear. As I have pondered over these words and repeated them over in my mind I have gained a good deal of insight that I’d like to share with you now:
I must not fear. – This is the declaration and goal, the object of the litany.Fear is the mind-killer – A recognition of fear’s awesome power and hold over us.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration – An allowance to be afraid and respectful of fear.
I will face my fear – The only way to conquer fear is not to run away but to stand firm with steadfastness in faith.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me – We must be bathed in fear in order to conquer it. Just as we must bathe in the sins of the world in order to overcome it and become stronger.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path – The gift of hindsight will allow us to firmly verify the validity of our decision.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing – Because in the aftermath of fear, after firmly facing it all else that paralyzed us will have been washed away.
Only I will remain – And there we will stand, fearless.
For Lent I gave up fear and while I am not yet completely fearless I am stronger for the experience. I have a clarity of mind that is not paralyzed by fear, a spirit that is not shackled by the status quo but rather I am free to reach up, learn more and grow, each day gaining more light and knowledge because I have time that is no longer dedicated to fear.