As most of you figured out, yesterday’s post was part of a deeply held American (and technological) tradition known as April Fools Day. I am in fact not broken, I am in fact, truly Gay. And I am happy because of it, not in spite of it. The sad part is that 6 months ago today I did feel broken. 6 months ago today I was filled with a sense of hope as I saw the possibility for 1 man and 1 man alone to open up and change my world. Then, in a tragedy befitting the poets, hope was dashed upon the rocks as the words of President Packer rang out echoing the deep and troubling thoughts in my head, “Why would God make me this way”?
Why? Why? Why? I had asked myself this question countless times and shouted it to the heavens. This questioning of “Why” is what creates such an affinity for the Book of Mormon Musical, Next to Normal, the West Wing’s Two Cathedrals, and C.S. Lewis. How do we deal with the problem of pain and suffering, despair and delusion, fear and loss of hope in a world where God has the power, knowledge, and love to stop it.
Why. Why. Why. Why I think I have an answer for President Packer, for myself, and to all those who read these words. God made me this way that I might have joy. Just as God made President Packer a proud man who clings to tradition and the simple path, that he might have joy. Just as God created the ambition and desire of flight in the Wright brothers and the need for the feel of the road beneath the tires of Henry Ford. Each of us is unique. Our intelligences are eternal and have always been, just as God. How then can we expect them to be tempered into spirits with choice, placed inside bodies with emotion, live in an environment of a fallen world and have a central design for salvation that fits all?
God created me, you, our families that we might have Joy. 6 months ago I put my hope and trust in 1 man. Today I put that same faith and trust in God. He made us and hopes that we will grow to find Joy. For all mankind is that they might have Joy and I for once in my life am bursting with the Joy to know that this is true.