Jul

Tragedy Strikes Home

I have been saying it fir a while, but let me break it down once more. There are only a few outcomes for most Gay Mormons in the church.

Stay an active member of the church feeling implicit or explicit fear and hatred from many other members of their ward.
Leave the Church because of these perceived attacks
Stay in the ward with a thick skin and the ability to look beyond the ~~hated~~ ignorant remarks
Commit suicide to leave the pain behind

Sadly, more people commit suicide than stay in the church with thick skin. Yesterday a friend of mine, Todd Ransom decided that the pain he felt was too much and so he left a note stating “Sunrise – accept this offering – Sunrise”. These were likely the last words he wrote before he killed himself.

Sadly this isn’t a rarity at all. I for one was about to give the same ultimate sacrifice upon the alter of the Lord almost 2 years ago. And since then I have talked with many people trying to convince them not to take their own life but to stay on the earth and keep trying even though the pain is great.

These suicides have to stop! But how? How can we, as members of the church uplift others to help them not even feel the need for suicide? By simply realizing that these gay members of the churn are members, but are 1st Children of God. They are loved by their father in heaven and if we attack them, whisper about them, gossip about them, they are largely going to either leave the church or leave the earth.

After Todd’s death I got a note from a Facebook friend who found me through my blog and YouTube videos. His brief story tells of the very things that often prompt leaving the church or committing suicide.

Dear David,

You are very lucky to have great friends in the church. I unfortunately did not and had to leave on my own cognizance, try to “change” me into a “normal” person or be ex-communicated. So, I choose to leave.

I didn’t really have friends that accepted me for who I am, as a matter of fact, most of my “friends” went to the bishop and told them about me.

I haven’t been to the church since. I guess I’ll have to wait till they accept me for who I am.

So what do we do? How do we fix this? How do we stop the bloodshed? By constantly remembering that while politics, culture, art, and civilization are mortal entities, the human soul is immortal. The child of god you talk with, joke with, mock, praise, and scorn is a beloved child of heavenly father and your divinely appointed brother or sister.

669 days ago Short URL 12 Comments

Church/CS Lewis/Homosexuality/LDS/The Church

Jul

What is the Meaning of Life?

So most of my posts deal with recent works and stories, but this one is pretty ancient. I am currently re-reading Orson Scott Card’s novel Shadow Puppets. In this novel there is a section where an old Russian scientist is telling the protagonist that he is human and needs to have children. It is his fundamental human need. Man needs something to continue after him into immortality through children. Card makes this Russian character gay to stress one point. Namely that even if you have had your sexual desires “short circuited” that you still desire to have meaning in life and then only through having children.

“Listen to me, both of you. Here is the meaning of life: for a man to find a woman, for a woman to find a man,the creature most unlike you, and then to make babies with her, with him, or to find them some other way, but then to raise them up, and watch them do the same thing, generation after generation, so that when you die you know you are permanently a part of the great web of life. That you are not a loose thread, snipped off.”

This isn’t a new read for me, in fact I have had this passage saved on my computer since early 2007. What makes it profound is in the comparison to a story I read from Plato who disagrees who the premise that we all desire children but rather we all fundamentally desire to be whole.

Plato describes an origin of humanity in which there were 3 species. Men (children of the Sun), Women (children of mother earth) and what he dubs Androgynous (children of the moon – being sun and earth). These three species were different from our current state because they were a body with 2 faces 4 hands, 4 feet. Essentially the Men were two males stuck together, the Women were two females stuck together and the Androgynous were a male and female stuck together.

Zeus decided that rather than slay the creatures as he did the race of giants that he would instead split them in two. This left what we now see as males and females. In splitting us apart we began to search desperately for that which had been removed. We were like the circle looking for his missing piece in the beloved children’s classic.

As these humans searched for their other half it left many searching and craving to be with another human. And when they did find their missing half it was glorious for two became one if only for a season.

What is interesting about Plato’s story is that the Women sought their other half which was also female and likewise the Men sought other males when they were so inclined. Thus supplanting accepted homosexuality back to the days of Plato but that is beside the point.
As the story continues Plato offers a hypothetical situation in which Hephestus god and master of the forge offers to join two who had found each other. Plato states quite clearly that if offered this chance to be forever joined as one, sealed as it were, no person:

“would deny or would not acknowledge that this meeting and melting into one another, this becoming one instead of two, was the very expression of his ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love”

Now in an era of Christianity this story takes a different path as seen in Orson Scott Card’s novel, but there might even be a third way of looking at this meaning of life. Instead of a separation between two humans as rather a separation between God and Man and so our searching is that of becoming whole and one with God.

I know this is a big one to ask, but what do you think is the meaning of life? Having Kids? Finding a lost piece of yourself in a soulmate? Finding God? or something else entirely? 42?

672 days ago Short URL 7 Comments

Church/Personal Life

Jul

Nelson v. Lewis: Or Why Religious Freedom Isn’t in Urgent Danger

Some of you may have seen Elder Nelsons talk to an LDS group in Massachusetts last month. As it is the bugbear this election cycle, religious freedom was the topic. Elder Nelson said the following:

Nelson: “If civil law were altered to recognize so-called “same-gender” marriage, you as believers in God, and keepers of His commandments, would then be regarded as exceptions to the rule. Your conscientious convictions would then be regarded as discriminatory. If you were a Christian school teacher, you could be charged with bigotry for upholding the Lord’s law of chastity. In truth dear brothers and sisters, if you lose marriage, you also lose freedom of religion. Atheistic moral bedlam and religious repression go hand in hand. At stake is our ability to transmit to the next generation the life-giving and inseparable culture of marriage and the free exercise of religion.”

Putting aside the veracity of his statement (if you really want to contest it point by point please start here) I would like to target one point of Elder Nelsons.
If civil law allowed for same sex marriage, “you as believers in God … would then be regarded as exceptions to the rule.”

Now maybe I am missing something but has Mormonism, and religion in general, ever really been anything BUT the exception to the rule? Let’s listen to what CS Lewis said about being an exception to the rule in his seminal work Mere Christianity.
“Enemy-occupied territory—that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us to take part in a great campaign of sabotage.”

Put quite simply, Allowing marriage equality will not change a single thing. We religious will still be regarded as an exception as we always have. Have Mormons or even Christians generically ever, ever, been in the majority? No! Perhaps this nation founded by Puritan religious pilgrims established by deists is an enclave in a fallen world but in no sense has there ever been truth in the majority, we are soldiers behind enemy lines and so I understand the need an desire to cling to tradition and fight with any means necessary to accomplish out goals but deceiving people to believe that same gender marriage will put is in the enemy’s camp is succumbing to Satan, the father of lies.

688 days ago Short URL 14 Comments

Church/CS Lewis/Religious Freedom/Theology

May

The Break Up: Or How I Realte to Moses

So last night I had an interesting experience, several actually. To date there have been 3 times that I have had to define the relationship that I was in. The first time I had a DTR was at BYU when my girlfriend and I broke up after she had prayed and was told that we shouldn’t continue. The second time was after about 6 days dating a girl whom I realized I could never commit myself to. I intrinsically knew that I was attracted to guys and so I couldn’t continue the relationship. I was a bit of a coward and so I DTR’d over the phone with a follow up a week of so later. I felt like a jerk but it happened.

Last night I had my third DTR experience. It started out over text message. This was a brand new experience for me. I have been on a few dates with this guy when he texted “You confuse me. I just don’t get what you want or if you’re interested. Maybe you don’t even know.” I responded via text and told him that I am interested in dating someone but that I am not looking for sex in any way until I get married and so I take things slow. He and I decided that text was a crappy way to DTR and so I called him.

He was completely taken aback by the fact that I would hold off on sex until after marriage. He couldn’t get his mind around this concept because “sex is so important in a relationship, its why I don’t date straight women.” Besides the fact that he and I are over, the biggest hit to me is how predicated upon sex, the actual action of copulation, is to this guy. It blew me away because my homosexuality, while incorporating the physical attractions, is dominated by the emotional, mental, intellectual, and spiritual attractions that I have with someone. It isn’t about the gender of the person in my bed, but rather the person I connect to on a deep multilateral level.

This got me thinking all last night and I wondered to myself how oddball this guy was. How outside of the picture frame was he to focus just on sex. And then I stepped into his shoes. I tried to get into the mind of a young gay man with little to no religious upbringing, someone for whom it was a given that sexual connection is so important that it has to take place before marriage in order “to see if you are compatible.” And I realized that I am the queer one for wanting to make a lasting connection with someone and a permanent commitment to someone before I have sex.

I knew that my LDS brining made me a peculiar person, but I didn’t fully grasp how fully this oddity shaped my character. The realization was so profound that in my dream last night I was dreaming about this concept and twice I was brought face to face with death. My oldest brother and his wife nearly hit me with their car. They swerved to miss me and came to a stop at such an angle that forced me to confront their car. In dreamland my mind was brought into a state of confrontation with my past, with my family and the values they embody.

This morning it finally clicked. Am I in such a queer and peculiar place that I am alone? Am I alone in my desire to seek a traditional emotional, mental, and spiritual connection with another man before marrying him? Am I really that alone? For right now I feel like Moses, growing up in a culture that wasn’t my true heritage and after fleeing and finding a place for myself declaring “I am a stranger in a strange land.”

729 days ago Short URL 10 Comments

About Me/Church/Dating/DC/Homosexuality/reactions/Sex

Apr

Series 42: Authority and Liberty

Living in DC I am constantly surrounded by theories and ideas. And as a moderate I find that the biggest unanswered question comes down to the great question. Namely, do you provide incentives to or restrict the choices of individuals in order to shape their lives, or do you let individuals make their own unregulated choice leaving them to face the consequences?

On the political compass this is seen not as an ideological shift of right and left (Conservative or Liberal) as much as a shift of up or down (Libertarian or Authoritative).

On any given issue I am torn between two poles. Do I allow individuals to make their own decisions consequences be damned? Or do I, feeling that I know what’s better try and guide things in that direction? As an overall ideology I don’t think that I can make that distinction at this point in my life. I can try to look at it on a case-by-case basis, but I feel the need to solidify my underlying ideology.

The TV show LOST seems to be demonstrating this principle on some level with two characters, Jacob and MIB (literally Man in Black), who have two philosophies on people. Jacob believes that people can discern between Good and Evil without his help and intervention and MIB who believes that Evil is inherent to humanity. The viewpoints of these individuals aptly demonstrate the dilemma that I face: Jacob the Libertarian & MIB the Authoritarian.

Lets use some real life examples to demonstrate this dichotomy.

Example #1:
The marriage of Same-Sex Attracted Mormon writer Ty Mansfield is set to take place on May 22nd. Ty and Dani met 13 years ago before falling off the grid until around 2008 when they became Facebook friends. In December of last Year they spent 2 ½ weeks with each other and not until the middle of week two did Danielle even realize that Ty was actually dating her. Then a few days later, the last day before Ty went back down to Texas, they DTR’d. That same weekend, Danielle thought that Ty was the man she was going to marry.
To most of the world 3 weeks of dating doesn’t create a marriage, it creates (as one of my coworkers put it) a lustful affair. Add to that that this will be a mixed-orientation marriage and you can see why many of the links on my blogroll are lighting up in controversy over this.
I take a different approach though. I realize that I don’t have all the information. I am not Danielle or Ty and so how would I know what was best for them? How can I presume to have the answer for them? In this regard I have to take a step back and have a Jacobean perspective and let Ty and Dani make their own choices.

Example #2:

California is proposing legislation to legalize marijuana. The argument most often used is “It’s my body and I can put what I want into it. Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?” This is the very answer that leaves me asking, “Do I let you make your own choice to smoke marijuana or do I think I know better that you and prevent you from doing so?”
By looking beyond individual rights and instead looking at how a greater effect I am left with a feeling that the legalization of marijuana would greatly deteriorate the state. It will increase tax revenue which could in-turn ease the tax burden on small business owners providing jobs to the unemployed. It will shrink the black market and lower some crime rates and thus save lives. But in my mind it will also infect (yes, infect the citizen’s with a substance that I feel alters their ability to make rational decisions.
Again I don’t have all the information and so, do I take the Jacobean perspective and let them decide for themselves or do I take the MIB position and control their ability to make that decision? In this case I feel the need to continue to criminalize marijuana despite its ineffectiveness, despite its financial cost. Because I think I know better I am willing to shape policy to restrict individual rights.

So where does this put me? Am I Authoritarian? Am I Libertarian? Does it even matter if I find my balance point between Jacob and MIB? How does this all relate to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers? To Religion? To Gay Marriage? To Education? To Net Neutrality? To the Wisdom of the Crowds? To Life the Universe and Everything?

I don’t know!

For me, All that’s known is that I don’t have a solid ideological platform.

Yet!

This will be a developing series of posts and, because they seek to answer the life the universe and everything, it has been dubbed as 42.

764 days ago Short URL 2 Comments

42/Authoritarian/Church/DC/Homosexuality/Libertarian/LOST/Politics

David B Baker

Filed under Church …

Tragedy Strikes Home

What is the Meaning of Life?

Nelson v. Lewis: Or Why Religious Freedom Isn’t in Urgent Danger

The Break Up: Or How I Realte to Moses

Series 42: Authority and Liberty